Lies Will Get You Nowhere
by KittyKatBFF
Summary: "Whoever said that words never hurt you was wrong." Drake's father has come back, and Drake can't handle it Warnings: cutting, rape, abuse. CURRENTLY BEING RE-WRITTEN.
1. Chapter 1

**Lies Will Get You Nowhere**

**A/N- Yay, I'm writing a new fanfic, about a really awesome show, Drake & Josh! Yay! Ok, so, the warnings will be, um, cutting, suicide (not sure if it'll be successful), child abuse, rape, swearing, and anorexia/bulimia. This story isn't for the faint of heart. This fanfic will be rated mature because, well, you know why... And now, my first Drake & Josh fanfic! (And I know that it says Drake's journal entry is in 2012, but he and Josh are still 16, or 17, or whatever. They're 16 in this fic)**

o-o-o

_Drake Parker's Journal, Entry One, May 14th 2012_

_Whoever said that words never hurt you was _way_ wrong. I started this… old habit of mine because of some _words_ this bitch said to me. That bitch, is my father. My stupid fucking father who drinks himself silly and then beats the shit outta me. Um, I'm not talking about him because he's back, no; my mom and he got a divorce when I was twelve, and I haven't seen him since. Ok, I'm lying. Damn it, I haven't been good at lying lately. Whenever Josh asks me if I'm alright, I get the urge to tell him that my father's back, that he's beating me, that he used to beat me when I was younger. I want to tell Josh that I've… started cutting again._

_Yep, that's my old and new habit, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. It helps me release my frustration, and, it makes me feel better. I also cut because, well, my dad told me that he hurts me because I need to be punished for ruining his and Mom's marriage. And, I thought I'd help him punish me. I mean, I deserve to be punished for ruining my parent's marriage. But I'm not sure how I ruined it. Dad told me I ruined it by being a bad son, but, I don't really get it. What did I do? _

_I must be a terrible son if I caused them to get a divorce. And I must be a terrible brother to Megan, and to Josh. I'm a screw-up; I don't even know why I'm living anymore! I just-I just want to kill myself! I want to end my suffering, I want to be free, I don't want to deal with the burdens of life anymore! Maybe I should just go get Walters 'secret' gun in the garage and shoot myself in the head. Actually, that sounds like a good idea…_

I heard the door opening, so my first reaction was to quickly throw my journal under the desk. I don't need Josh thinking I'm a wuss for having a 'diary'. I was relieved, though, when I saw it was Megan. Wait...What is Megan doing in my room!

"Megan, get outta here, I'm busy!" I yelled at her, twirling the pencil around in my hand.

"Don't worry, Boob, I'm not gonna prank you...yet," She had a mischievous smile on her face before continuing, "Mom wanted me to tell you that dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes."

Food? Ugh, disgusting. Just thinking of putting something into my mouth revolts me. "Ok Megan, now get your evilness out of my room, I'm busy."

"What are you even doing? You're just holding onto a pencil. Jesus, you're boring. Fine, I'm leaving, but I just need to tell you that-"

"GET OUT!" I screamed. Her eyes flew open, backing up. Uh-oh. Why the hell did I just scream at her? Damn it.

She looked startled, but she spoke, nevertheless, "Geez, what's up with you. Later, nitwit." She skipped out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Grumbling, I stood up to go close the door, when suddenly, Josh came running in, knocking me over. Ow, Christ, my head hurts! And, oh, my back! My 'dad' always whips me there with his belt, so whenever someone gives me a pat on the back, I feel like I'm going through hell.

"Oh my gosh, Drake, I'm sorry. I didn't see you." apologized Josh. He helped me up off the floor, offering me a pat on the back. Ohh, fuck you, Josh!

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I yelled, my back was a fiery pit of hell right now. Falling on it and getting a pat on it is NOT helping, Josh!

"Whoa, dude, what's wrong!" Josh asked, worry filling his eyes. Crap, what am I gonna tell him? My lying is worse than ever, and if he finds out about my back, he'll question me on it, and I'll tell him my father beats the shit out of me every day during my fake band practices. Yeah, my band broke up, but my family doesn't know that. So it's pretty easy to just say that I was practicing with my band while really my dad was killing me.

"Uhh, oh nothing, Josh!" I say, mustering up a cheesy grin. He stared at me questioningly, not really believing my terrible lie. "Don't worry, I just got a bit scraped up on my back a couple of days ago. You see, I was trying to ride Trevor's skateboard, but I, um, fell, and hurt my back. So when I fell on my back a few seconds ago, and when you patted it, it SERIOUSLY hurt." Huh, that's actually a pretty decent lie.

"Oh, sorry. Heh, I didn't know Trevor rides a skateboard." Yes, he's buying my lie. Oh, wait, he just said something.

"Well, he does..." I say, shrugging my shoulders. Wow. I can't believe he's buying it! This is the greatest lie I've thought of all week!

"Drake, Josh, dinner's ready!" yelled my mom from the kitchen downstairs. Oh, hell no, I'm not eating.

"Ok, Mom, we'll be down in a minute!" Josh yelled back. "C'mon, dude, let's go eat."

"I'll be there later, I need to do something first." I say. Jesus, that sounded lame.

"K, see you down there." Josh said, bounding down the stairs. Once he got to the bottom of the staircase, I closed the door and ran to the desk. I picked up my journal, flipping to the page I was on. I then pressed my pencil to the paper, letting my thoughts be written.

_No one suspects a thing. None of them think I'm plotting my suicide right this very minute. But I am. Well, on to something else for a bit. I'm anorexic, and a bit bulimic. After what my dad did to me, shoving his cock into my mouth, I don't want to eat. No matter how many times I brush my teeth, no matter how many times I purge my guts out, I can still taste him. It's really fucking disgusting. I mean, GOD, what kind of man would do this to his son! Christ, my 'father' is really fucked up! I don't know what's worse, being beaten to a bloody pulp or being raped- BY MY FATHER! Ok, I think the rape one is worse. I just, I can't believe it. My dad robbed me of my innocence, he stole my dignity... he took away my virginity. Yeah, that's right. I, slutty Drake Parker, was a virgin when my dad fucked me. I can't believe my first time was with a mother fucker like my dad. I am so embarrassed. No, no nonono I can't tell anyone this. They'll think I actually _wanted_ my dad to fuck me, they won't believe me... I can't tell anyone. Maybe in my suicide note I'll tell them, but, I can't in person. I just can't._

I slowly trotted downstairs, watching my 'family' eat. How can they eat? Oh yeah, they never gave their father a bj unwillingly.

"Drake, I was wondering where you were! Come on, it's meatloaf!" Said my step-father, Walter. Let me tell you, Walter is a huge dork. But he would never lay a hand on me, and he wouldn't ever think of fucking me. _He_ is my father, not my stupid blood-related father, Devon.

"Uh, no thanks, Walter. I'm full. I ate a bunch of sweets around five, so, no more food for me 'till ten. See ya!" I said, heading over to the stairs. Me? Eat sweets? NO. Me? Eat? NOOO. Of course, my dearest mother decides to force me to eat.

"So, Megan, how was your Oboe practice?" Mom asked Megan. Megan grinned, before answering in her fake sweet voice,

"It went great, Mom! Mrs. Smith said I'm almost at a sixth grade level!" Walter and Mom shared shocked faces. Wow. Megan can play the stupid oboe. Great. Oh, disgusting, I think I'm gonna hurl!

"Be right back!" I said, running off to the bathroom before anyone could stop me. I barely reached the toilet in time, my vomit spraying all over it. After I finished, I saw that specks of blood were placed in my barf. "Um, _that's_ not good!" I said to myself, flushing the toilet.

"Sorry, emergency bladder problem, but I took care of it!" I said with fake glee, trying my best not to vomit again. My family looked disgusted (please, they don't even understand what the word means), but they went on with their conversations.

"Josh, what did you do today?" Mom asked Josh. I knew it. She loves Josh more than she loves me.

"Well, after work, I took Mindy out on a date. We had a picnic in the park!" Said Josh. Ugh, he's talking about The Creature, a.k.a. his girlfriend.

"And Drake? What did you do?" Seriously? Can't you just ask me what my favorite color is? Oh, it's black, by the way.

"I did some more practicing with the band earlier. We're actually gonna have a little concert at this one place in a few days." I said. No, I'm not performing in a concert, my band broke up, remember? Idiot, I'm gonna kill myself then. Oh, I should think of what I'm gonna put in my note soon.

"Wow, cool, Drake!" Walter said. Pfft, yeah right.

Right when I heard those words, I thought of all the times my 'dad' used to say that when Mom was around. Oh God, I need my razor.

"I-I'm full now, I think I'll go take a shower. Bye!" I said, dashing to the bathroom once again. When I got in there, I locked the door and grabbed the razor blade from its hiding place. With the razor in hand, I sat down against the door, dragging the metal against my pale skin. Blood oozed from the wound, and I smiled. Soon, I wouldn't be bleeding anymore. Soon, all my suffering will end. Soon, I will die. I made at least a dozen more cuts before I felt better. I washed the razor off, put it back in its hiding spot, and washed my arms off.

I then proceeded to sneak out of the bathroom, and up to my room. Closing the door, I bounded to the desk, so I could write just a bit more in my journal before I go to bed.

_It's official. I'll be ending my miserable life in less than a week. And no one can stop me._


	2. Die

Lies Will Get You Nowhere

Chapter 2 - Die

_Drake Parker's Journal, Entry Two, May 15th, 2012_

_OMG SCHOOL, YAY! Hahaha, you're really funny, Josh. School is terrible, but at least my father can't touch me there. However, when I leave school, he picks me up in his blue truck and drives us off to his beaten-up house. And that's where the 'fun' starts. _

_He beats me, he hits me, he kicks me, he rapes me, he does everything but be nice to me._

_Yep, he sure is a great father! _

_No. Even though it's not happening right now, I can still feel his cold hands wrap around my neck, forcing him into me. I can't believe my mom loved him once upon a time. At least she doesn't know what happened to me when she went to work. He didn't start raping me until I turned 15. I think he's raped me over 20 times. I will never be the same again. The only way to feel alive again, is to die._

I gasped. I could feel my throat closing, I could barely breathe. Great, another panic attack. And at the 'perfect' time. If Josh wasn't in here, i would cut myself silly until I bled to death. But, he was. I grabbed my bag and ran to the nearest bathroom. I locked the door, and picked at my scabs as I searched for a razor.

"Yes." I whispered, finding Josh's. I made a cut on my left arm, then on my right arm. I sighed, the familiar feeling of release sweeping over me. In my state of happiness, I made a slightly deeper cut than usual. An unhealthy amount of blood poured out of the jagged gash, staining my jeans. "Crap."

I heard a knock on the door while I searched for something-anything, to stop the bleeding. "Drake, are you ok?" I heard my brother through the door. I scoffed at the idea of being ok.

"Y-yeah, Josh. I'll be out in a minute." Wrapping a white towel around my arm, I sighed. _'How can I wait? I can't wait; I have to commit suicide tonight. Or else I'll go crazy.' _

I took the towel off my arm momentarily, seeing if it was still bleeding. Well, of course, it was still bleeding, but not as much as before. 'I think it's safe to put a band aid on.' I thought, grabbing one from the cabinet. _'Ok, my arms taken care of, now I just need to change my pants, and I can leave for school.'_

I ran through the door, quickly skipping up the stairs to my bedroom. I grabbed some new jeans from the dresser, throwing the blood-stained ones onto my bed. I'll throw them away later. With my new jeans on, I calmly walked to my bag, flinging it around my shoulder.

"You ready?" asked Josh. Slightly smiling, I nodded my head, following him to the car.

o-o-o

By the time lunch came around, I was pent up with growing fear and frustration. My hand felt around in my pocket, searching for my back up razor. When my hand fell upon it, I smiled, walking to the bathroom. Making sure no one was in any of the stalls, I rolled up my sleeves, picking the stall farthest away from the door, in case anyone came in while I was harming myself.

I made sure not to let any blood get onto my clothes like I did this morning. By the time I finished, my arm was smeared with blood. I grabbed some toilet paper, making my way to the sink. _'Thank God no one's in here.' _

I was washing the blood off my arm when, to my horror, someone started opening the door. Knowing I wouldn't be able to hide my arms in time, I just stayed where I was, and tried my best to get all the blood away.

Relief hit me when I saw it wasn't Josh, but my heart beat quickened when I realized who it was.

I heard Craig and Eric gasp, seeing the blood. They gasped again when they saw _whose_ blood it was.

"Oh my God, Drake!" Craig nearly yelled. He grabbed my left arm to get a better look. I looked over to Eric, he was near tears. But why? Does he care about me? I almost laughed. Please, no one cares about me.

"Drake... why?" Eric whispered, letting his tears flow freely.

I looked away from him. Never have I seen Eric cry. It was quite a shock.

I took a deep breath, "Go away. Leave me here to wither away slowly and painfully." I said, just barely above a whisper.

They were surprised. _Really_ surprised. "Drake, let us help you. C'mon, we need to get you to the nurse-"

"No! L-let me go!" I yelled, pulling my arm away from Craig. I backed away from them, holding my arm protectively against my chest.

With wide eyes, Craig stepped up to me, "Drake, it's ok, I'm not going to hurt you. Please, you're losing a lot of blood, you need to see the nurse."

A few tears fell down my cheek. I know that I'm losing a lot of blood, but I can't let the nurse see. She'll call Mom and Walter, and they'll be really mad, and they'll ask me why I did it. I can't tell them about my father, they wouldn't believe me.

"Craig, we're not getting through to him, I'll just get Josh so-"

"No, not Josh, I can't have him knowing that I'm a suicidal maniac! Don't get him, please!" I shouted. I can't let Josh know. It's bad enough that Craig and Eric know, I don't want my brother to know.

I fell to my knees, sobbing. Craig leaned down next to me, and tried to comfort me by putting his hand on my back. Shit, that hurts. I screamed in agony, "Oh my God, ow, shit!"

"Drake, Drake, calm down! Eric, go get Josh." Eric ran out of the bathroom. Fuck, now Josh is gonna know.

*Eric's POV*

I'm so shocked; I can't believe that Drake cuts. No, I can't think about that right now, I need to get Josh.

I looked around the cafeteria, spotting Josh, who was sitting next to Mindy. I ran over to him as fast as I could.

"Josh!" I panted. I am 'not' a running type of guy.

"Oh, hey Eric. Why are you-"

"Come on, Josh, we need to get the bathroom, quick!" I said, tugging on his arm.

"What?"

"It-It's Drake! We need to go, now!" I shouted. I watched Josh's eyes fill with horror.

"Uh, ok, let's go." He said shakily, standing up.

*Drake's POV*

"Drake, what's wrong?" asked Craig, who looked pretty worried. It's not every day that you catch someone cutting their wrists.

"Oh, nothing..." I said. I looked up to Craig. He didn't believe me. Should I tell him? Should I swallow my pride and admit that my father beats me, that he rapes me? "O-ok, I'm lying. I just, I, I don't know." I sighed, looking down. It'll only be a matter of time until-

"Let me see your back, Drake." I looked up at him again, alarmed. What? No, I can't let him see my back, he'll see all the cuts from my father's belt! He must have seen the fear in my eyes, because he said "Don't worry, I just want to see your back, in case there are some scratches there." I can't keep lying. He already knows that I cut, I might as well tell him why.

I let him take my jacket and shirt off. He gasped softly to himself when he saw all the scars on my back. "How did this happen?"

I cried. I just cried. Craig noticed, and he turned me around. Using the hand that didn't have blood on it, he wiped away my tears.

"I can't tell you," I whispered, waiting for Josh and Eric.

"Drake, you _have_ to. You're really hurt...who's doing this to you?" He looked into my eyes. If only he asked me this when my lying was still good.

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise me you won't tell _anyone_."

"I can't promise you anything. If someone's abusing you, we'll have to tell the authorities. Please, Drake, I want to help you."

I could see that Craig was struggling, and that's when I let my promise to Father slip down the drain. If I tell Craig, Father will go to jail. He'll never be able to hurt me again.

I took a deep breath, and then, I told him. "My father. It's my father. He hates me; he does this to me every day. It's been going on for years. Not only does he abuse me, he also...he..." I let out a wail, and fell to the floor again.

Craig helped me up, and I noticed that he had tears in his eyes, too. "What else does he do to you?"

"He...he raped me." I said, tears cascading down my heated cheeks. I didn't dare look at Craig. He was probably thinking that I was lying. Of course, slutty Drake would fuck anybody, even his own father.

Instead, he grasped me into a hug, whispering to me that it would be ok. It will never be ok. Never again.


	3. Authors Note

Authors Note-

I'm soo sorry that I havent updated the story! My laptop broke, and I dont have enough money to buy a new one. The only computer I have access to is the family computer, and I don't want to accidentally have my mom, or dad, or little sisters read the terrible third chapter. So, until I get a new laptop, this story is going to be ON HOLD. Not stopped,  
on hold. Im sorry :( 


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